I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
