I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize