you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
