I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Drunk is a universal language darling
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
