If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
