just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
