i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
