i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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