I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize