Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
