so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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