Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
