is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize