The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
