I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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