I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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