Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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