That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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