420 ftw
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
