i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
