New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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