he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
