Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
