Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
