It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
