Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
