People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize