I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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