So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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