drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
