so explain again why im purple
no
Sponge bath it is.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
