I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm passing your future prison.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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