I want to stick my p in your. b.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
