just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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