Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
