You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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