You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
