Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
