I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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