i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize