No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
