They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
