Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
