she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
