brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
