Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
