She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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