I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
