Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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