we're blogging at a bar
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
