i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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