You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
