The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
