It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
