Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
