eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
