i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
