yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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