I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
