Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
