I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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