How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
