I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
