I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
