hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
