you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
