im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
