I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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